Day Eight- Why it takes so long...

So I sort of rushed into my plans, even AFTER I wrote so much about why I start and fail to continue on Day One. I am still thrilled with the direction I'm headed in and the plans are definitely still amazing, but I should always learn to cut myself some slack! I have been continuing with my pledge to worry less.. and I have had a few nights of brilliant sleep and many moments carefree joy spent with friends and family. But the gremlins are sneaky and they crept up on me a few times and a couple of times have succeeded in derailing the best of my plans over the last seven days. I am also definitely achieving and making sure I celebrate each step no matter how small or insignificant they look to others, it took thousands of years for the Niagara Falls to eat into the rock bit by little bit and look at them now!


Even with the derailments though, the fable says slow and steady wins the race and so if I have to think tortoise and be tortoise, that is how it will have to be.

When I first found out that New Unity were planning a month of cultivation I was a little confused… It sounded like a fabulous idea but I pondered a little about whether such an idea was really all that helpful. Surely if we needed to change stuff we’d- just do it, on our own, with no prompting. (I am laughing so hard at the ridiculousness of that last sentence I may need medical attention!) Of course it isn’t that easy… There are many HUNDREDS of stories where persistence pays off, it’s OLD wisdom, really, really old… and in todays fast paced life (apparently that’s old too… modernity of every era always feels faster than before ;) ) we say it a lot, but we rarely take heed. I often have no idea what the journey is that I have started upon until I am way along the road and even though I have along with many others set aside these 30 days to explore my practice… well this is just a chapter on a journey I started a while ago and a road I am still travelling and because it may help others I’m going to tell a little of the story here for you.

A little part of our home...

In spring/summer 2010 when the government changed and austerity began to creep into the public services and the grip tightened on the purse strings I was let go from my amazing, but basically temporary job. It had been a great job, my boss had been kind, I had been very reasonably paid considering my experience and it had allowed me to get back on my feet after a really difficult time personally and career wise. At some point that summer my parents suggested that maybe my brother would move in as my lodger and we could share the responsibility for housework and bills. He was HORRIFIED… He’s a minimalist… throws pretty much everything away and I am a chronic hoarder… my home at some times has been a few weeks of illness away from appearing on one of those dreadful Channel 4 shows! Well this prompted me searching the internet for anything that would help two twenty-somethings mutually keep house without injury and/or arrest being used on either/both parties. And so searching the internet, like one does, I came across a website that has literally changed my life forever… www.flylady.net…I even blogged about it in that previous blog I sometimes mention… and I read with interest and I acted upon what I read slow and steady. (Edd never moved into my house though :) )

Going back a moment, to the planning for the focus on cultivation, there was a request around the time of planning for this project for people to share things they thought useful and I shared the testimonial Marla Ciley (aka The FLYlady) herself shares about her own cultivation project, what prompted it, how it progressed and how it ultimately led her to be doing work every day that she loves.

Anyway I will not go through my entire story or even tell you how the FLYlady system works… because she does a fine job of that herself.

But I will tell you a little of how it has changed my life.

1. I now know how to get out of the mess I sometimes find myself in- I just pare everything back to the basics, asking myself... What am I already doing?… What can I piggyback onto those things to make life a little easier?
2. I am much more gentle with myself- I do less screaming and crying when things go wrong these days, I still get frustrated beyond belief, but it isn't quite as intense and it’s much shorter lived.
3. I have a group of amazing friends all over the world that I never expected to find, and they are my constant encouragement and blessing.
4. It’s sometimes okay to think of yourself as a part responsible adult, part little kid who wants to go outside and play…. It’s also very important to be firm with, as well as nice to, the little kid part of yourself!
5. Every day/month/year gets a little better- not all at once… in fact I haven’t even reached the point where I can smoothly navigate every habit I’d like to keep just to be able to get to and from my bed every day! But Christmases are joyful if not perfect and I find so much more time to appreciate things than I used to.
6. I rediscovered my spirit, and my spirituality- maybe a whole other blog for another day!
7. I feel generally much less abnormal about the state of my home… I grew up with the phrase “Everyone else’s *insert room/area/whole house* aren't like this” being repeated, in various insidious and confidence shattering guises, that I’d often feel so overwhelmed by getting started I just wouldn't. Why bother when you can never measure up?! Well NOT ANY MORE! (I still struggle with this, but I smile and keep going)
8. I know it’s okay to be a little obsessive about things… it can be a great motivator, but I must keep it in check and remember to REST!
9. I discovered the joy of writing again, because I discovered the joy of reading again and was really inspired by some of the things I read that I wanted to share my experiences too
10. Finally it’s “Progress not Perfection”... that’s what it’s about, there would be NO life WITHOUT living… the moving along is part of the joy of it… there is no final state or final answer within life…. nothing is perfect because nothing ever stops… I am still working to let perfectionism go…(see point 7) it’s probably going to be my lifetimes work, but I’m absolutely okay with that.

You’ll see that most of what I have noticed has changed is almost nothing to do with housework… (if you skipped going to look at the FLYlady website you'll have read this entire blog and wondered where housework came into it at all!) you see that’s mainly because those parts don’t really matter so much because the thing to really do is Finally Love Yourself.

Cultivating thoughts... Day One

Those of you who have been with me from the beginning in what seems like another life and was indeed another blog... May remember that I like actions. I like actions very much... Doing stuff is where it's at as far as I'm concerned.

I've tried many things/hobbies/pursuits over the last 30 years... I play recorder, flute, piano, ukulele, act, (can't dance have tried doesn't prevent me treading the boards anyway), poi spinning, card making, sketching, painting, colouring, pastels (oil and chalk!), cooking, baking, website design, desktop publishing, loom knitting, cross stitch, candle making etc... etc... etc...

I've joined choirs, bands, societies, clubs, churches, teams... I've given up meat and chocolate (never try to start both concurrently) given up the later with the temptation of a lovely chocolate cake and then given up former with trying to live with my carnivorous father's attempts at vegetarian cooking as I became bored with cheese sauce a'la frozen veg and got a little too thin.

All in all I am a great starter... And if pushed (or I enjoy it) I'll stick at something. But the dead blogs of the past are, unfortunately, testament to why I find giving up easier than sustaining something long term. I did teach myself to ride my bike without stabilisers in a concerted effort one afternoon aged 10 and aged 19 I read an entire book about writing HTML cover to cover, even the dedication, but most of the websites I designed never made it past the file structure of my C drive and I haven’t ridden a bike in years.

However, with a little persuasion, I've been encouraged to take up a challenge this month to coincide with the month of Ramadan by the team at New Unity in London. Rather than the idea of denial and self sacrifice I have often associated with Lenten rituals, I've been reminded how important it is to CULTIVATE FOR GROWTH... Read about the idea here and Andy Pakula's message here.

Aside- Saturday I ate a really rather sour and tiny strawberry from a three year old plant... It was dreadful... It was a lucky strawberry to exist at all, but I haven't tended that pot in ages and the compost therein is certainly spent.

And so I thought upon what I would like to cultivate in myself. And if #WeBecomeWhatWeDo all in all I decided like to be less bothered by stuff.

I'd like to worry less and achieve more.

This seems simple enough and if I were of a stronger, more tough and decisive persuasion that statement alone would be enough and I could get on with my life... Although if that were the case I'd most likely not worry so much in the first place and there is the rub.

So I realised I needed to work out a practice, which is going to support my new found position. And looking back over the past history of abandoned projects this one had to be easy enough to do, not take up too much time, and it needed to give me the sense of satisfaction of a job well done that means I'll stick with it for the duration and not fade out part way through.

What I have realised is that I actually achieve loads, but I am really terrible at recognising and celebrating stuff I do make things happen and I am also chronically inclined to defer doing something, either until the very last opportunity, or just abandon an idea completely and in the process letting people down or carrying a large amount of guilt around afterwards for no discernable good reason. That sort of pattern doesn't leave much time for celebration or satisfaction.

I decided early on in considering this cultivation that I like writing… I’ve been enjoying putting this blog together for the last few hours and I’m still enjoying it, but I'm excited by the idea just now and I realise I couldn't possibly do this every day! There are also many projects like #100happydays or the post three positive things to your Facebook page for a week... which I have been nominated to do and ignored... I only got half way through the lovely Gretchen Rubin's book The Happiness Project before I had become overwhelmed by all the ideas I'd thought of to try out!

So inspiration struck me that when I'm stuck at something I draw a diagram. I have a love affair with A3 paper and felt tipped pens... and I treat these diagrams with the utmost respect.

• Bimonthly at work I draw out a new one to highlight any up coming projects or important dates to my colleagues and pin it up on the wall by my desk.
• If I am listening to a lecture or trying to learn a new set of instructions to work a particular computer system in my job I doodle my way to understanding with page after page of colourful hand written notes and pictures which I use as a visual reference later on and eventually fix in my mind so I no longer have to read them and can navigate my way clear when I revisit a topic.

A very famous gentleman has the copyright on one form of creating these diagrams, but honestly I think I knew about creating them long before I ever read a book about the process... I'm naturally inclined to connect stuff in that way.

So I stayed at my desk a little while longer after work today and started writing/drawing until I became distracted and couldn't think of another thing to put down without having to work too hard to draw it out of my brain... and I felt better for having "downloaded" my thoughts.

So this project book was picked up after work today... I cracked out my new tin of pens!

I drew it a nice cover!

and I took some time to make a quick copy of the earlier prototype thought web from the afternoon.

A blurry Day One!

The plan is to draw a different one each day... the first one is stuff that was floating around in my head come a Monday afternoon in one of the busiest periods of my life so far! But there are other things I'd like to explore that allow me step that bit closer to cultivating the kind attitude which allows me to just get on and do stuff. So the first one is called Aleks' Brain and I didn't mind sharing it but I can't promise that they will all be public access!

I will however make an effort to share an associated photo... but the point of the book is it's real and it's offline... it's physically sitting in my conservatory begging to be played with!

The pens are good too! :)

So I've been quiet... I've been in here thinking....

Firstly this post is going to be a little personal, if you've read back through my posts or you will do... I never intended this blog to be so personal. I hope that in the future it needn't be so revealing and that I actually have some more local and community based stuff I am involved in to shout from the roof tops about.

But for now I want you to consider these three statements:

• I want to change the world.

• The world changes. I change.

• I already change the world a little every day.

I want to take a few moments of your time to think about perspective.
Now I am a person who deeply agrees with the first statement.
Many of my friends are too... on the whole that's why they are my friends, but most of us share more than that drive to make a difference.
We also share something more important and vital to how we view the world.
We're human and we struggle with our human brains... now this blog isn't about my mental health per say... although being ill has been the reason I've been so quiet for the first part of 2014 despite having plans to have written about six or seven posts on various things which have come up and begged to be written about!
It's a LOT of burden to want to make a difference... many of us unfortunately feel we're going against the current cultural norms if we speak out or stamp our feet... we shouldn't feel like this... we need to carry on talking AND listening.

Consider the second statement. Essentially we can't stop change... try as we might time moves on, we get a day older, we live, we grow etcetera etcetera! The world is dynamic... constantly changing and moving... and it takes us with it whether we want it to or not. Embrace this shifting... we're on a ride that isn't going to stop moving... so learn to relax into it... don't fight it... jumping up in the air doesn't defeat gravity... gravity is much bigger than you and constant jumping just makes you tired! :)

The third statement for me brings things full circle. I am already making a change.... if I'm thinking and acting in a changing way I am impacting my community... the ripples are already spreading and I don't need to make HUGE waves.... because if we all just ripple a little more BIG things can happen... but they don't need to... because small things do just as well.

I know this probably sounds like a weak answer to the worlds BIG problems! But you know what? It's really important to realise you can't solve them all alone... it FREES you up to actually start changing the things you can change.

I smile a lot... I am a VERY cheerful person... going back to my mental health for a minute... I often have a hard time with people believing I could possibly ever be depressed at all so sunny is my general disposition!
I make a point to smile AT people... and say please and thank you... and even... BLESS YOU in response to just normal stuff not just sneezes! It creates a connection between those around you, it also gets smiles returned and they get passed onto someone else because you just lightened the receivers world a little.

I want you to know how much changing that perspective makes a difference... recognising you already make a difference makes a difference. So put away the stick you're using to beat yourself up for:

• not completing all those projects you started
• not having cooked all the recipes you collected from last month's magazines which looked AMAZING
• not having found time to plant the seeds/bulbs/plants you bought last summer/autumn/winter
• anything else you just didn't do yet!

Spring is here NOW... and it's going to turn into the Summer somehow... be it a wet or dry, hot or cold.
Go out into the world and create some ripples.

Everything's coming up violets- Change resistance and gardening

If you've come looking for something deep and meaningful today, sorry I'm all out! I have frivolous and opinionated and probably wildly wrong instead... this post is going to ramble... sometimes I just have to.

My room/view sometime in the early noughties!

I feel deeply connected to certain places... I loved the house I grew up in. In particular I loved two things. I loved the view from my window and I loved the garden. My room was a shrine to flora! The 1990s had brought me a fabric with ribbons and bows and imagined flowers set on a yellow and white stripe. When IKEA had that advert where they encouraged Britons to chuck out their chintz I believed they had my fabric in mind!

My room looked out over a large back garden. The fortuitous plot which the natural incline of the hill had provided gave me a view straight into the trees from my bed. And when I stood by the window I could really only see greenery unless I was compelled to open the window wide, crane my neck and snatch an almost hidden view of Dudley Castle!

Now my parents had created from scratch pretty much everything I could see below my window. The garden, when they had moved into the house in 1983, was just a post construction muddy slope with no topsoil and more importantly NO WORMS! I was born in the spring of 1984 and my parents had set about planning a garden which tried to bend the strange and unusual shaped plot to their will. As that garden grew so did I... parts flourished, some things over grew, they changed, they adapted. It once accommodated an entire playset- swing, slide, see-saw, climbing frame. One hot summer my grandfather built us a never completed brick Wendy House in one corner. I learnt from my father about soil composition and how to dig, hoe, edge lawns, and plant seeds. I learnt about the various creepy crawlies that dwell beneath our feet and even now I have the most beautiful and vivid memory of, as a small child, singing gently to the butterflies as they rested on flowers and truly believing they heard me. 

18 months ago my parents moved from my childhood home forever, a place I loved and I'll never see that view again. That which was once my haven will never be again... and for many reasons lately this has made me feel a deep sense of loss.

I am as resistant to change as the next person. We fear the unknown, it is what makes us prejudiced, it is what makes us wary of others. And in the 21st Century in particular I believe it is often the reason we don't know our neighbours. I moved from my parents home in 2007 and I live on an estate... I'm surrounded by other houses. I once made a rough calculation of how many households lived within a 100m radius of my front door. I got to about 90 households and then sort of gave up with the scale of it all... That could easily be 300 to 500 people living right on top of where I am and I have no idea about who most of them are! Most of the time I try not to think about it, doing so might make me go a bit bananas, but every so often it bothers me. Occasionally an ambulance will stop on our block and someone might be in trouble, or I'll hear a child crying or some other reminder, that behind our closed doors we're all living our separate lives.

And so I come to my garden at the front of my house.  British households tend to garden their back yards

and leave the front of the house to itself... unlike many of our American cousins who have porches and sit out front in a neighbourly way. If you started occupying a seat in a suburban front garden in the UK people would comment, it's just not the done thing! And this is why I love my front garden so much, I intend one day to put a seat out front, just to be subversive. Because when I garden the quite frankly meager patch of earth between my kitchen window and the pavement something magical happens. I see children playing, people stop and comment on how pretty things are looking. Dogs leap up to say hello and their owners stand and talk a while if they wish. I want to see a tiny revolution take place where I live... I want to see more people out in front of their houses. I want to be able to walk through my neighborhood and stop and chat with them about their flowers and their planting.

I've been out there today trimming the lavender and starting to sweep up leaves and put the place to bed for the winter. I've noticed something quite interesting in the past few weeks, considering we've reached December... my garden is resistant too. It's been resisting autumn... a couple of spring and summer flowering plants have had another go at waking up again before the winter... and very soon we'll get a hard frost one morning or some snow and all thought of them staying up all through the cold will fall quickly away. I am always deeply amazed by the skill of plants... from the tiniest origins they form into so much... stuff! The sweetly scented cuttings of lavender filling my green waste bin every December are testament that fact.

This winter everything is coming up violets for me. I planted some violets the summer before last and there doesn't seem to be part of the garden... pot or flowerbed which they don't seem to have infiltrated via their tiny light weight seed spreading! I love this, it feels like nature is helping me garden, adjusting my vision for the space, bending my will slightly. And so as I grow to love a new place and it grows for me I find myself settling season on season to find joy in the small changes I can make to my surroundings. And I attempt to become less resistant to the changes which are enacted upon me.

If you want to see pictures from my garden check out my Pinterest for some captured close ups of how I see my garden. http://www.pinterest.com/alezed/my-urban-paradise/